Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love having hate sex.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
