I hate all girls vehemently.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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