You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
