Dual....:-)
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
