hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
