Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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