dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
