Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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