Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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