I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
