he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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