Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
