I am puke
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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