Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
