I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will never coherently bang her
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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