That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
