I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
