just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
