I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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