Tell her she can't have a vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
