Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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