it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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