My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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