Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
