i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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