Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
