I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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