; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
