I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
