I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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