the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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