Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
