just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
