So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You ate ashes out of my bong
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
