lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
