She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
