She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
