we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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