The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i dont even know how to be here
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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