im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Can I color on your dick again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
