I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
