This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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