we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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