I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
