Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
