he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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