they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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