very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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