Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
