Cold hands, warm shart.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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