woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
