what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
