i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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