What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
