we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
