my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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