He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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