What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
