Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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