i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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