To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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