i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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