the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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