I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
