Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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