I wish my penis had an off switch
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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