mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
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Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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