sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
