The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
