got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
