Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
