Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
