so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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